Welcome, my name will be Curious Sars and this blog will be about the things that are currently influencing my comic MoonPops.
The spiral of silence is a political science and mass communication theory propounded by the German political scientist Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann. Spiral of silence theory describes the process by which one opinion becomes dominant as those who perceive their opinion to be in the minority do not speak up because society threatens individuals with fear of isolation. The assessment of one’s social environment may not always be correct with reality.
Feel like I can’t trust anyone at the moment (that includes you!!! voice in my head - fuck off!)
Keep coming to blows with everyone recently, although it’s nice to feel like a kid again, I had the biggest temper tantrum last Monday (I lost my breakfast sub in the process and I LOVE breakfast subs, yes I know it’s owned by Mcdonald’s, but ya know what, when I need to get in a good mood fast, it’s the one “legal” thing that seems to put a smile on my moody face!)
Keep coming to blows with my house mate and I think it’s got to the stage where if I talk about it to friends, it feels like i’m on a self induced spiral of whininess - can’t say I blame them to be honest. (It is my problem after all!)
But I’m the kinda girl where if you give me loyalty and respect, I’ll give it back (maybe i’m old fashioned that way.) but also this is the VIBE I trying to put into my comic, all those characters are friends, fuck it they’re family and they have each other’s back, but people change.
As i’ve gotten older I’ve excepted the fact that people can grow out of each other, I guess it’s the natural order, doesn’t make it any less sad, however maybe if we all stayed the same, we wouldn’t have new experiences, which would be pretty boring and create the illusion that everything is safe
Safe… an odd concept i’ve always thought, yet it’s something we all crave.
I’ve cleaned my room today, figured that if i’m going to be a “good girl” (rofl!) I should create a happy place… A clean room is a happy room (i’m sure I heard that off of Rugrats years ago - it stuck to me now)
So my plans this week are as follows
1) Find a fucking job a.s.a.p - art practitioner work is rare to come by :(
2) write two more pages for chapter 4, then storyboard it!
3) complete filming for “blue knowledge” A side project i’m working on.
Also i’ve been having really odd (and i mean bizzare!) dreams this week, pretty sure that me and my friend Ralph (one of my best friends and he is like a brother to me!) we were getting married, but he left me at the alter… dickhead :p (out of all of them, that one was the least weird!)
Gonna start keeping a dream journal again, start drawing this stuff down could use it for my next story!
Also been have this tune by le1f repeating in my head.
It’s neary 2.30 in the morning, I feel like I should be doing Moonpops… but it is 2.30am.
So, instead I’ve decided that I’m going to write a list of things that I want to do this year.
1) save money so I can move to my own place (fuck this current situation - long story short, My house mate who is becoming somewhat of a intolerant asshole is sleeping downstairs, so he can get up in the morning, somehow I think there is more hope in resurrecting Jesus fucking Christ then him getting up at a reasonable hour.)
2) Stay sober for a year… (it’s going well so far)
3) Get a part time job
4) Conduct experiments with my good friend Humira (At least I have one friend who doesn’t see me as a idiotic fool, for that I am grateful, shame I can’t say the same thing about my other friends.)
5) Finish comic :)
6) Finish Album (working with a good friend, known as CATS and with applesandsnakes.)
7) Get toned….
8) Get laid…
9) Work harder
10) Be happy
Going to try to sleep now (Wish me luck!)
Well, I’ve finally done it! I’ve finally cracked my mind (but only a little.) I’ve said goodbye to my relaxation in the hopes that I will be better at the things I want to achieve this year, but before I went down this path I remember having to ask myself a question…. AM I DOING THIS FOR THEM OR FOR ME?
I already have my answer, which is somewhat excellent, but I’ve noticed how “THEM” tend to judge too quickly, only to get excited about another stimulant, painkillers, booze, fags ect (I witnessed this only a few hours ago and it agitated me to the point where I thought I’d have to go to my 50quid a week room - somewhat dramatic, I know.) And it was at this point when I think I’d finally understood why my characters would be so rebellious - the experience of sheer frustration and anger that can occur when friends judge you for your activities, but don’t rely or replay their own experiences so that they might understand what drove you to that point in the first place…. I’m starting to think that the empathy breed is dieing out.
But I gotta admit my hindsight bias was right :P I do enjoy people watching and calculating what their reactions might be, it’s all helping me with my character development, after all If I don’t understand why they would take drugs in the first place, how could I expect anyone else to understand.
2013 was a good year for me, in terms of research I looked at what advice people gave to me, because they felt it was their right (and because they care.) to question how I lived and yet, these people aspire and respect those who treat people like shit - or those who take a lot of different stimulants, but are somewhat culturally intelligent and thus counter out and rise above being an average drug bum… It’s a mad world out there kids, dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t.
Currently sorting out my notes and putting them into boxes with the *Moonpops* characters names on them.
Honestly, building a story whilst having to consider seven different perspectives is fucking tedious and yet fun, a nice little purge :)
I’ve had to looked at alot of *Illuminati* propaganda (youtube is a fun place!) which ties in with the research of one of my characters mental state of mind (Sneak peek soon guys :p )
Ahhhh, gonna have to stop now, my friends have popped round to say hello after watching “Taxi driver” on the big screen, courtesy of Teesside university cinema society group (THERE IS CULTURE IN TEESSIDE!!!)